Adventures in movie renting
During my junior and senior year of college, I worked at a video store.
It was quite possibly, the greatest job in the world.
My coworkers were awesome, I got free movie and game rentals, and I could get away with just about anything. If not for the horrid supervisory staff, getting paid minimum wage, and only being scheduled about 15 hours a week, I would’ve been perfectly content to stay there.
But I digress.
One of the great things about this particular store was that it had an adult room. It was located in the very back to the right side. This portion of the store was an endless source of entertainment for us for a number of reasons:
1) We could rent all the porn we wanted.
2) We devised games to entertain ourselves. Example: Ongoing contests to see who could find the funniest porn name. My personal favorite: Weapons of Ass Destruction.
3) Observing people’s methods for entering the porn room. I broke this down into two methods:
The meander-Rentee does a perimeter sweep, pretends to be interested in something on the back wall, looks around quickly and darts in.
The purposeful stride-This guy doesn’t mess around. He walks directly to the room with his head held high as if saying, “I’m here to rent some porn, so suck it!”
The best part of this whole process was checkout. Most times people would look down, or avert their gaze to some distant point behind my head. Some made excuses. Others were just plain creepy. One time I had the pleasure of ringing up a man with quite a large late fee. He demanded to know what the late fees were for.
Me: Sir, I’m sorry, but it says that you have a fifty dollar late fee.
Pornman: What?!? I shouldn’t have a late fee. What’s it for?
Me: Umm….it says you returned three movies three days late.
Pornman: Why is it fucking fifty dollars then? What did I turn in late that’s so damn expensive?
Me: Are you sure you want to know?
Pornman: Fuck yeah! You guys are trying to rip me off!
Me: Okay, if you’re sure…*coughs* Ummm…Naughty Nympho Nurses #2…
Pornman: *turns bright red* Okay, I’ll be back later to pay it. *quickly exits*
Me: Wait! You don’t want to know what the other two titles are?
What an asshole.
If someone was in the adult room for longer than fifteen minutes, we were told that we had to go back and check on them. This made for some awkward moments.
Me: *walks in to put away large stack of porn*
Pornman #2: *turns around quickly, looks guilty* Oh hey! Do you have the Talented Mr. Ripley?
Me: Uh yeah, but you’re not going to find it back here.
Pornman #2: Uh thanks! *runs away*
Those were the days. *sigh*
Labels: blogging because I'm bored at work, nostalgia, porno
posted by colonel eggroll @ 11:58 AM
5 Comments:
Oh i would have so loved working there. I would have been tormenting those poor fuckers so much!
I saw the same kinds of things when I worked at a video store. At our old location the porn room had these swinging doors, on hinges, that creaked really badly, thus blowing the meanderer's cover. Even better was our new location. They put a chime on the porn room door and cranked the volume to max. I'd watch people try to be subtle only to have every person in the entire store turn and look when the door chimed.
There was this one guy who came in about every other week and would always get a stack of porn. He would chit chat pleasantly with me the whole time. I figure if he's not embarassed then whatever.
Steph-it was really fun messing with people for sure.
Winter-We had a guy that only ever rented porn. Sometimes the same one several times. He was pretty weird, and definitely not at all embarrassed.
The worst part was when the a porn got returned and it smelled funny when you opened the case.
"The worst part was when the a porn got returned and it smelled funny when you opened the case."
EW!
Mark-Yeah, I can still remember the smell. *shivers* I think I need to take a shower now.
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