I am a douche.
Seriously.
If I could kick my own ass right now, I totally would.
About five months ago I wrote a short story about my friend dying of stomach cancer. It wasn't very long, but I felt it conveyed how I felt the last time I saw her, and I found it extremely therapeutic at the time.
I showed it to one person.
He encouraged me to share it. I resisted, because it was so intensely personal and I'll admit, I was a bit embarrassed because it's so emotional and I have a hard time sharing that with others.
I thought of it today, because October 21st marked the first year anniversary of her death, and I've been thinking about her.
I finally felt ready to share it.
But guess what?
I typed it up on the computer at work, which recently had it's hard drive completely erased.
I have no back up copies.
At the time I wrote it, I printed one copy.
It is nowhere to be found.
I want to cry.
I've scoured my emails, my floppies, flash drive, every single book I own.
It's gone.
I suspect that I may have left it in the library book I was reading at the time. A short story collection by Amy Hempel. I've decided to try and locate the copy I had checked out, and maybe just maybe it's inside the book.
There are five different copies. I am going to check out every single one.
I pray that I find it.
posted by colonel eggroll @ 11:01 PM
7 Comments:
I am sorry you seem to have lost it. I remeber how upset you were over her death. I hope you can find it.
Uh, crap. But it's the way with these sorts of things that they usually turn out better if you write them again. You could always just do that.
That's a lucky talent to have, Mark. I forget things too quickly to rewrite. It all comes out very differently.
Hope you find it, Julia.
Damn, I was hoping you would have found it right after I left.
Steve-Thanks. Hope springs eternal I guess. Maybe I'll find it when I move?
Mark and Nails-I think I am going to try to rewrite it, but I'm very similar to nails. Once something's written, there's usually no way for me to replicate it.
I just can't believe I made such a rookie mistake. I mean, the first thing you learn in computer 101 is to back your shit up. *sigh*
Becky-I think I spent about two hours looking for it after you left.
Eddie has been trying to convince me that maybe it was meant to happen, like someone found it in the library book or wherever and it helped them. Which would be cool, but it's a bit too nebulous for me to take comfort in.
I did do a search on found magazine's website because you never know, but nothing came up.
Jeebus. I hope you find it. I lost a stack of writing I did when I had some serious depression and I am still kicking myself over it.
Thanks Phish. Isn't it weird how stuff like that haunts you forever? I lost some things I wrote in high school and it still bugs me to this day.
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