Absente, rug stealing, and chavs.

So it's been brought to my attention that I need to update. Honestly I've been meaning to post, but I just haven't felt compelled to blog about anything.

That changed this weekend.

My friend A had her annual fourth of july barbeque on Saturday. Her theme of choice was chavs. I had never heard of this term until she sent me the link. I of course dressed up for the occasion.




Sexy, innit?

I have never felt more foolish while out in public. We of course made a run to the local liquor store in all of our chav finery and got many curious glances. While perusing the options available, we came across a box labeled "Absente." According to the label, the only difference is the kind of wormwood used. Instead of the banned grande wormwood, they use a southern wormwood. We of course had to buy some.

One of A's guests was a guy she'd met on the internet. He seemed very nice at first. He brought some wine and a cheese platter and appeared to be getting along famously with everyone. I can't remember his name so I'm just going to call him canada from this point on since that's all I remember about him.


Anyways, Canada was very interested in the Absente. Obsessed more like it. He wouldn't stop bugging us about cracking it open, so we finally decided to try it.

It tasted like Jagermeister and burned like whiskey. You could feel it running down your esophagus and into your stomach. It was also 110 proof, so within moments you feel kind of wobbly. It makes you feel nice afterwards though. And very euphoric.

Canada didn't like how strong it was, so he decided to cut his with a hefty amount of Absolut pear flavored vodka. I don't know why he didn't just add more water to it. That would've made sense. We all headed outside to enjoy the firepit. I'm not really sure when we became aware of it, but it was noticed that Canada kept dissapearing. Turns out he had been secretly drinking the absente while everyone else was outside. Needless to say, within about an hour and half, Canada was becoming very innapropriate in addition to puking/shitting his brains out. He eventually left the party all together without even telling anybody. I don't know how he managed to drive, he could barely even walk.

After everyone left, A, her brother, and I decided we wanted to go bowling. Unfortunately, the bowling alley was closed. So we hit the bars. We got a lot of stank eye from the patrons, probably because we were still wearing our sunglasses even though it was dark, like assholes. I liked wearing them so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone.

Somewhere between the first bar and the second, we came across some rugs laid out randomly on the sidewalk. One was a runner, the other was a mat. They were squishy and looked like fake granite. A decided that she absolutely had to have one of them. We rolled up the runner and tried carrying it, but it proved to be too heavy for the two of us. So we took the smaller one. We left it outside while we went into the second bar. It was completely empty, so after serving us, the bartender went outside for a smoke. A loudly commented that the bartender had "better not steal my rug!" He laughed and told her that he would guard it for us while we were inside.

We probably carried that thing for about three blocks! At which point we became distracted by a fountain in front of a local catholic church and decided to stop and frolic in it. A's brother also took it upon himself to desecrate the church doors. I jokingly said that the church probably had cameras and we would see it on the news the next day with this headline: "Drunken gentleman teabags local church for no apparent reason." At this point we noticed a couple of police cars driving around, so we decided to drop the rug since we felt it would draw unwanted attention.

We did end up making it home okay, and apparently at some point, A stole someone's potted plant from their front yard. Then we stayed up awhile and watched little britain. So ended our evening of debauchery.

We did drive back the next day to see if the rug was still where we'd left it, and it was. I can't believe we picked it up with our bare hands. Then went home and ate potato chips. *shivers*

Point of this long rambling story? Why, nothing at all! I just needed to update! =)