Quarter Life Crisis?

Lately, I’ve been getting some pretty intense headaches. I think they are stress related. I have this tendency to involuntarily clench my jaw, so I’ve been trying to keep myself from doing it by sticking my tongue between my teeth so that the muscles will relax. It usually doesn’t really bother me, but the last week or so it has been really bad. I start my new job on Tuesday, and I keep getting more and more anxious about it. This has been the longest two weeks ever. I know that once I start, it will be fine and I’ll relax, but in the mean time I just keep thinking about it and it’s freaking me out. So much so, that my jaw has been bothering me a lot more than usual. It feels like I am constantly clenching it, and I can’t make it stop! Arrgg!!

I’ve also been very moody recently; because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the path my life is taking. I’m talking about the ever-present question of “What do I want to do with my life?”

I guess I’m feeling a little jaded because all through school everyone always told me “If you go to college and get a degree, you’ll get a good job.” Well, I have that degree now. And guess what? There are no jobs for me. Not in my field of study, or that don’t involve me having to ask, “Would you like fries with that?” anyway. Every job that I’ve looked at either requires a master’s degree or 5-10 years of experience. Even the entry-level jobs require that you have experience. Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m applying for an entry-level job, it probably means I don’t have much experience. And how can I get any experience if no one will fucking hire me? It’s a vicious cycle.

And on top of it all, I keep getting asked, “What do you want to do for a career?” And the truth is, I don’t know. I’m too indecisive. I have lots of interests, and I’m not sure what I’m actually qualified to do. It seems pretty obvious that I’m going to have to go to grad school if I actually want to get a job in the field that I got my degree in. But first I have to decide what I want to do, so I know what to go to school for.

I guess I always thought that I’d get some sort of sign that would kind of let me know what I was supposed to do. A little nudge in the right direction, something to tell me that I am not totally fucking everything up. Well, I’m 25 and still waiting. I can’t talk to my parents about it, because my mom’s spent most of her life being a housewife, and the rest of my family all work in factories. I am the first person in my entire family to get a college degree. No one ever discussed anything about careers or anything like that with me growing up, so I’m feeling pretty lost.

Sorry this post is such a downer. I just wanted to get it off my chest. So if anyone knows the secret to knowing what to do with your life, want to share it with me?