Peoples Republic of Julia

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Adventures in movie renting

During my junior and senior year of college, I worked at a video store.

It was quite possibly, the greatest job in the world.

My coworkers were awesome, I got free movie and game rentals, and I could get away with just about anything. If not for the horrid supervisory staff, getting paid minimum wage, and only being scheduled about 15 hours a week, I would’ve been perfectly content to stay there.

But I digress.

One of the great things about this particular store was that it had an adult room. It was located in the very back to the right side. This portion of the store was an endless source of entertainment for us for a number of reasons:

1) We could rent all the porn we wanted.

2) We devised games to entertain ourselves. Example: Ongoing contests to see who could find the funniest porn name. My personal favorite: Weapons of Ass Destruction.

3) Observing people’s methods for entering the porn room. I broke this down into two methods:

The meander-Rentee does a perimeter sweep, pretends to be interested in something on the back wall, looks around quickly and darts in.

The purposeful stride-This guy doesn’t mess around. He walks directly to the room with his head held high as if saying, “I’m here to rent some porn, so suck it!”

The best part of this whole process was checkout. Most times people would look down, or avert their gaze to some distant point behind my head. Some made excuses. Others were just plain creepy. One time I had the pleasure of ringing up a man with quite a large late fee. He demanded to know what the late fees were for.

Me: Sir, I’m sorry, but it says that you have a fifty dollar late fee.
Pornman: What?!? I shouldn’t have a late fee. What’s it for?
Me: Umm….it says you returned three movies three days late.
Pornman: Why is it fucking fifty dollars then? What did I turn in late that’s so damn expensive?
Me: Are you sure you want to know?
Pornman: Fuck yeah! You guys are trying to rip me off!
Me: Okay, if you’re sure…*coughs* Ummm…Naughty Nympho Nurses #2…
Pornman: *turns bright red* Okay, I’ll be back later to pay it. *quickly exits*
Me: Wait! You don’t want to know what the other two titles are?

What an asshole.

If someone was in the adult room for longer than fifteen minutes, we were told that we had to go back and check on them. This made for some awkward moments.

Me: *walks in to put away large stack of porn*
Pornman #2: *turns around quickly, looks guilty* Oh hey! Do you have the Talented Mr. Ripley?
Me: Uh yeah, but you’re not going to find it back here.
Pornman #2: Uh thanks! *runs away*

Those were the days. *sigh*

Labels: , ,

Monday, March 26, 2007

I finally got to see Casino Royale yesterday at the dollar theater, and I have to say it was thoroughly awesome. Had to chuckle because the shot of Daniel Craig tied to a metal chair naked actually caused the middle aged woman sitting behind us to gasp and go Oooo!

During the course of the movie, Eddie farted pretty loudly, and I swear it sounded like it came from several rows behind us. It was almost as if he threw his fart like a ventriloquist. I didn’t even realize it was him. I of course giggled like a little kid, realizing later that the people behind us probably thought it was me. Oops.

We got to hang out with C and A all weekend, and to our delight, Pantera Dave made an appearance, which was welcomed since we haven’t seen him in probably about a year. He regaled us with tales of working at the Onion in Chicago and of his new American Idol obsessed cubicle mates. (So glad none of my coworkers are into that nonsense.)

Also, I found myself introduced to this both amusing and disturbing set of home movies.

www.unclegoddamn.com

So overall, weekend was great, weather was great, smoothies abounded, and Julia is a happy girl.

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Hands off my hoard, beeyotch!

I have a problem.

I am a t-shirt addict.

I always tell myself that I'm not going to buy anymore, then I'll check out the threadless website "just for a look", and end up buying two. T-shirts are my equivalent to crack. Last week I got this and this. My stockpile is now somewhere around 50. They even sent me a can cozy (cosy?) with my order. So not only am I wearing an awesome t-shirt as I write this, my beverage is both frosty and delicious. Doesn't get any better than that!

Eddie and I went to the university planetarium last night. It was pretty cool. Hopefully we'll get to go on a night when they have rooftop stargazing. That would be stellar. Unfortunately it's been a bit chilly as of late, so I'm not really up to it right now. I would also like to check out the ice rink because I've never gone ice skating, and it seems like fun. Bruise filled for sure, but fun.

I made a collage! At first I thought it needed a little something more, but now in retrospect I think I like it just the way it is.

Well, that's all I've got for now. Sorry it's not that exciting.



Currently listening to: Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

Labels:

Thursday, March 15, 2007

When I was a kid

Saw this on steph's blog and thought it was neat.


-My mom took me on the bumper cars and forgot to strap me in. When someone bumped us, I flew out of the car face first. I now have a scar on the left side of my nose by my nostril.

-I had a crush on Christopher Reeve. Correction: I had a crush on Superman.

-I performed “Can’t Touch This” in my elementary school talent show.

-I wanted to be a vet more than anything in the world.

-While flying a kite in the park, I ran face first into an evergreen tree. I got covered in sap and had a huge welt on my forehead. (Starting to see a pattern here?)

-I barfed on my second grade teacher because it was my first day at a new school and I was nervous.

-I wished I could have blonde hair and blue eyes, just so I would look like everyone else.

-I was short stop on my school’s tee ball team. When we graduated to softball, the pitcher busted my lip with the ball the first time I went up to bat. I promptly quit the team and was deathly afraid to play again until several years later.

-I would bite my classmates when they picked on me.

-I never got to go trick or treating because my mother wouldn’t allow it.



Also, winter and I have started a new blog on which to post our stories and other miscellaneous work. You can check it out here. I have posted a short story called "strangers".

Labels: ,

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Jumping up and down, practically wetting myself with excitement.

We are going to the 2007 Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival! Here's the lineup. It is going to be beyond awesome!! *energetic fist pump*

Today is Eddie's birthday, so I bought him one of those musical hallmark cards. It plays the star wars theme when you open it. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he does, he is gonna love it. Sometime this afternoon, I must buy some cake mix. One of the clients loves to cook, so I'm going to have her help me make it. Is that cheating? It will still be made with love, and just a sprinkle of crazy.

The other day while walking to work, I noticed a black lab mix running in the street darting between cars. His owner had been walking him in the park, and he had managed to get away. The poor guy was trying to catch him, but wasn't having much luck due to the icy sidewalks and a very apparent limp. After a couple minutes of cajoling, I got the dog to come to me and grabbed his collar. The guy was visibly shaken and on the verge of tears when he caught up to us. I felt for him. My dog used to run away every chance he got, and the only way I ever caught him was when he would inevitably stop to take a shit. Must have been all that freedom.

Helping that guy made my morning. It made me feel really good that I'd helped someone. But then it made me wonder: do we help people to be altruistic, or because it makes us feel better about ourselves?

Labels: , ,

Monday, March 05, 2007

Well between Gore and the Aliens, global warming hasn't got a chance.

Can you imagine if the government actually acknowledged that aliens had in fact landed on Earth? The foil hats would go crazy! Eddie loves to listen to coast to coast AM, and the calls they get on that show are wild. People claiming to be time travelers, alien abductees, etc etc. I even found a link about a time traveler convention. (The best part is the FAQ segment).

Eddie once tried to convince me that Coast to Coast was a valid news source. Myself? I just can't believe the things they say on there until I see them somewhere a little more mainstream.

There's a theory that the footage shown of the moon landing was filmed in a sound stage. Kind of interesting. Some people believe that there were alien life forms on the moon that the government didn't want us to know about, or that it never even happened in the first place.

I've noticed lately that I have this strange tick. Certain noises drive me crazy. The other day I was watching one of those sharpie commercials, and the sound of the sharpie on paper put my teeth on edge. It's even worse if it's cardboard. Another sound that drives me absolutely nuts is when pieces of Styrofoam get rubbed together. Argh! If anyone ever wanted to torture me into giving them information, all they'd need is a marker, some cardboard, and Styrofoam. Just thinking about it makes me all twitchy.

Labels: , ,

FREE hit counter and Internet traffic statistics from freestats.com